Ex-Football Star… as the New Ken Doll?

This lockout can’t end any sooner.

Until then, we are stuck with headlines such as “Ex-Cyclone Sack Master is the Face of the New ‘Ken.‘”

Groan.

In any event, ex-Cyclone and Iowa state defenseman Kurtis Taylor will be on the shelves of Toys-R-Us this Christmas.  From the New York Times:

“Spotlighting Ken comes after the toy maker’s recent update of Barbie, who turns 52 this year, as a fashion plate with high-style outfits. The eight contestants in the “Genuine Ken” series competed in an array of “Bachelorette”-style challenges to determine who had the ideal qualities to fill Ken’s customary role as the “ultimate boyfriend for every occasion.”

His Audition tape is hands-down the strangest thing I will ever post relevant to football in the history of this blog:

Hey laaaadies!  He wants to sweep you off your feet, and be in your 6 year old’s toybox. Yikes.  That, hands down, will be the creepiest sentence I will ever type in the history of this blog.

Back to The Times:

“The redesigned Ken doll will resemble the contest winner, Kurtis Taylor, a 25-year-old former defensive lineman for Iowa State, who won over the judges in the romantic gesture category.”

“With $500 to buy gifts, [Taylor] edged out his rivals when he won the romantic category by giving each judge a penny and donating the remaining money to the Make a Wish Foundation.”

Will Ken come with a football helmet?  Will the arm of the doll be spring-loaded so it can toss footballs?  Will there be an explosion of adult-themed “sack” Barbie websites?  And does this mean that Cyclone and Iowa State fans are now going to be Barbie collectors?

Goodness.

Let’s get this NFL thing going again.

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About scottymcss

Homeschooler. Freelancer.
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